My grandparents on my mother’s side of the family are fully Chinese. My grandfather escaped communist China and settled in Thailand. My grandmother was born into a Chinese family but was adopted by a Thai family. When people ask me, “Where are you from?” I say I am half Thai.
It feels wrong to say I am Chinese for many reasons. I have never been to China. I do not have a Chinese passport. My Chinese speaking, reading, and writing skills are that of a primary school student.
But it also feels somewhat wrong to say I am Thai. I don’t want to ignore my grandparent’s history or the Chinese traditions that have shaped my family. I chose to write this essay so that I can explore these two identities that coexist in me.
According to Theraphan Luangthongkum, 40% of the contemporary Thai population has some distant Chinese ancestry. This means that a lot of Thai culture has Chinese roots. I notice this every summer when I visit Thailand.
Firstly, there is an entire room in my grandmother’s home dedicated to our ancestry. It is a large room with red carpet and ceilings, old ceramics, gold statues, and shrines for our ancestors. One of these shrines belongs to my grandfather, who passed away a year before I was born.
The shrine consists of his portrait and a pedestal full of candles, lotuses, and the incense bowl arranged in a Feng Shui position. When I arrive in Thailand, one of the first things I do is pray to him. And when I leave, praying to him is the last thing I do. Respecting and appraising one’s ancestors is a very Asian - Chinese - tradition.
Birthday
Chinese new year
My Chinese last name is 汪 (wāng), meaning a body of water.
Because i am just that, a body of water that collects all the loose soil, but also contains many fish (culture)
